Poke
by RaeVenn-Chan
Summary: Possible one-shot series about different mech having breakdowns after prolonged exposure to humans. First up, Jazz and Miles. Second... still Jazz and Miles. But a good dose of Sideswipe and the zoo too... this isn't going to end well...
1. Poke

**Alright, I'm posting this before I think better of it.**

**Okay, I know the alt that Jazz chose is a Solstice with only two seats, but for the sake of the first few paragraphs of my story, I'm changing it to some car that has **_**back **_**seats also. Don't kill me! I'll change it back after the first few paragraphs, I swear!**

* * *

Miles poked at Jazz's dashboard. Bumblebee was still in the med-bay from a battle the day before and Jazz had been volunteered by Ironhide to be Sam's temporary guardian. "Hey, look everyone has their own personal radio!" Miles said, poking Jazz again. In Miles defense, he didn't know that the 'car' he was poking was, in actuality, a giant alien robot. Or, too be more specific, a giant alien robot that was quickly getting annoyed.

"Yeah, cool isn't it-" Sam started.

"Hey look, there's radios back here too!" Miles called from the back seat.

Sam stared at passenger seat in wide-eyed wonder. Then at Miles. Back to the seat. Then back to Miles. "What the hell? How'd you get back there? The seat belt is still buckled!"

Miles shrugged, resuming the game of See-How-Many-Available-Surfaces-I-Can-Poke-Before-The-Giant-Alien-Robot-Will-Go-Postal.

Jazz grudgingly continued forward. The next week was going to be torture.

* * *

Sam blinked, staring at the car in his driveway. "Don't you think Miles will notice that you were a four-seater yesterday, and now you're only a two-seater?"

"I don't care as long as that boy stays in _one_ seat." Jazz replied stubbornly.

With a sigh, Sam sat down in the driver's seat. "I'm going to be late for school if we don't hurry."

* * *

"I said hurry, not break every speeding law in the state of Nevada!" Sam muttered. "Now, I'm going to go to class. Think you can manage to not get yourself arrested?"

"Maybe."

He took a deep breath and counted to ten. With a sigh, he turned around, walking into the school. When he walked into the classroom, the teacher looked at him in surprise, not used to him being five minutes early.

* * *

Miles looked at the car. "Hey, this isn't the same car from yesterday."

"Er, yes it is." Sam lied.

"No it's no-"

"Hey, Miles, want some candy?"

"Ooh, candy." Miles took the candy bar, saying no more about Jazz new alt. mode.

* * *

Ironhide peeked his head into the Med-Bay. "Hi Ratch- What happened to him?" He asked, nodding his head to the silver mech in the corner, twitching.

"Too much exposure to teenagers."

"I'm telling you," Jazz yelped. "We could have won this whole fraggin' war vorns ago if we just locked the Decepticons in one building with a bunch of teenagers."

* * *

**Just don't ask me where the hell this came from. I'm not sure. I think I've been hanging out with my cousin too much o.O**

**Anyways, I'm thinking I might make this a one-shot series about Autobots (Maybe some Decepticons) having breakdowns after hanging out with humans too much. Not sure yet...**** ^^;**


	2. The Zoo

**Miles now knows the secret of the Autobots (How he found out is said in the story). *Awkward cough* And he doesn't seem to be worried... or freaked out... at all... **_**right**_**...**

**This chapter is inspired by a list of 'How to Live a Healthy Life'. More specifically, number 24.) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"**

**Warning: Very, **_**very **_**slight mention of RatchetXTwins...**

--

Jazz peeked around the corner nervously. _Okay, okay, looks safe, looks_- He shrieked and whirled around as a hand landed on his back. Ironhide stared at him, optics wide, hand still hanging in the air where Jazz's back previously was.

"Jazz?" Ironhide said slowly. "Are... you okay? Do we need to go visit Ratchet?"

"Ratchet? RATCHET?! ARE YOU _INSANE?!_"

"No, but you might be..." Ironhide muttered under his breath, unheard by his companion.

"Ever since _Ratchet_ bonded to those two... two... _miscreants_-" _Woo-hoo! Used my word of the day in an actual sentence! Ten points!_ "-they're swarming all over the bloody place anywhere near him! It's like signing our own death warrants!"

Ironhide gently (Yeah... right) removed Jazz's fingers that were currently embedded in his shoulders. "Yeah." He nodded to himself. "Definitely need to go and visit Ratch."

--

Ratchet barely cracked his door open in response to Ironhide's knock. "Are you the only two there?"

"Wha-?"

_"Are you the only two fraggin' there?!"_

"Yeah, yeah. We're the only two here?" _It's a sad day when I'm the only sane one left. _Ironhide thought.

The door quickly opened, Ratchet roughly pulling them through before slamming it shut, nearly severing off Ironhide's arm in his haste.

"I'm rather fond of this arm, just so you know. I have my best cannon attached to it."

The two other mechs ignored him. "Is it safe?" Jazz asked.

Ratchet looked up at one of the vents in the roof, looking slightly... worried? _Ratchet?_ "I honestly don't know." _Doesn't know?! What the fraggedy, frag, frag?!_ "That damn kid is so fraggin' small, he can fit in so fraggin' many places where we would never fraggin' think to look."

--

Bumblebee groaned as he slowly came to awareness, glaring at them all. "Damn it... thought Ratchet was better at keeping idiots out of the med-bay when there's injured..." He groused to himself, cranky at the lack of Sam, and being holed up in the one room for nearly a week. "Okay," He said louder. "Is there a good reason why you three woke me up, or am I just going to have to roll over and attempt to go back into recharge?"

"I was just about to ask something similar." Ironhide said. "Though, a bit more to the point. What the _frag_ is going on?"

Ratchet: "Sideswipe."

Jazz: "And Miles." He shuddered, muttering something about 'fraggin' teenagers'.

"We have been taking turns chau-fraggin'-ffeuring Samuel and his friends while Bumblebee is out of commission." Ratchet added when they still looked confused. "There are still Decepticons out there, and Sam is a likely target if they decided to attempt to avenge their 'mighty leader'. First we sent Prowl, poor guy. Then Jazz, who was by far too overconfident-"

"Hey!"

"-And ended up nearly as bad as Prowl."

"Miles is fraggin' crazy! I'm telling you, Decepticons, human teenagers, one room. I _know_ who would win."

Ratchet continued as if Jazz never spoke. "We, unfortunately, made the mistake of sending Sideswipe next..."

Ironhide groaned. "Primus. What happened?"

"Well..."

--

"Who are you?" Miles' asked Sideswipe's holoform, looking at him curiously.

"I am now your driver, because it seems little Sammy over there can't spend too long with the shiny, expensive cars without breaking them."

"Hey, neither of those were my fault! 'Bee was injured by Barricade, and Miles was the one that broke Jazz!"

Sam ignored Sideswipe sharp look, instead focusing on Miles when he said, "Oh! This is one of the big, giant robot guys, like the other one, right?"

Sideswipe goggled at the both of them. "You _told_ him? You actually _told_ him? I thought you were supposed to be keeping us secret!"

Sam threw his hands up in frustration. "Hey, it's kinda hard to keep you guys secret when annoying friend annoys giant robot to the point where giant robot finally goes postal and tries to seriously damage, if not kill said annoying friend."

If anything, Sideswipe's eyes got wider as he stared at Miles, who scratched the side of his face and nervously chuckled, saying, "Yeah... I think I might have drove Jazz into the deep end..."

"What?"

"He drove him bonko. Nutters. Ab-so-lute-ly CRAZY!"

Sideswipe suddenly burst into laughter, throwing an arm around Miles shoulder. "Well hell kid, I think we might get along just fine."

"Ooh, can we go to the zoo?"

"No."

"Aww. But I drove Jazz crazy!"

"True... fine, but we aren't staying long."

--

As it turned out, they did stay a long time. A very long time. Ironically, it was Sideswipe who urged them to stay. He was muttering something about 'llamas' and 'great pranks' and chuckling evilly in between mutters, so Sam was pretty sure he didn't want to know.

"Hey guys. As fun as this may be, if I don't get home in twenty minutes, my parents are going to ground me for the next century."

Sideswipe reluctantly tore his gaze away from the llamas, pouting. "Oh fine."

--

Sam paused as he reached Sideswipe's vehicle form, looking around. "Hey, where's Mil- Oh no." He suddenly spotted his friend running through the parking lot, screaming (Rather loudly, he might add), "The animals! They're loose! Everyone run for your lives!"

He came to a screeching halt two feet away from them, grinning. "That was fun."

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?"

"The list is long and varied."

"What was the point of that?"

"To see if I could get a lot of people running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Seems to have worked."

Sideswipe grinned. "Yep. Me and you are definitely going to get along."

--

**And that would be why Jazz has gone insane. Or, as Sam says, bonko. Nutters. Ab-so-lute-ly CRAZY.**

**And, it seems, this is going to be more 'have Miles drive Jazz crazy' then 'have teenagers drive various Autobots and/or Decepticons crazy'. I'll probably add a couple of chapters after this, but for now I'll keep it labeled complete.**


End file.
